Boatload Chronicles

Right now, I am listening to hymns that Out of Eden rearranged. Usually I HATE hymn re-arrangements, but they have actually done a fantastic job. I listen to this CD whenever I'm home by myself because it makes me feel peaceful, and it gives a good background for cleaning. Cleaning...ugh. I'm putting that off because I just don't know where to begin. I feel paranoid because Christopher pulled a box out of the closet this morning, and there was a colony of ants living in it. I mean the whole chabang. Eggs and everything. A couple of weeks ago, I found a colony in a box of my china! After that, I asked for a china cabinet for Christmas, and we had our house sprayed. We may have to do it again. Ugh. To top all that off, something in my kitchen is leaking, and we cannot figure out what it is. Christopher thinks it may be the drainage system for the washer machine. The water, we think, is leaking into our wall and coming out all over the floor in the downstairs bathroom and especially the kitchen. There is constant wetness along the walls in both rooms, and sometimes I find a huge puddle in the kitchen. It smells horrible in the laundry room area because of the wetness, and mold is beginning to show itself on my kitchen floor even though I thoroughly clean it weekly. Thankfully, we do have a great landlord who is cooperating with us in this. Hopefully, we'll be able to get a hold of his plumber by Monday so we can figure out what is going on. In the meantime, laundry is piling up, and I'm scared to run a load because I don't want to make the mess worse than it all ready is. I am going crazy here.

On a brighter note, yesterday I tried on the GAP jeans that I had given up wearing a month ago, and they actually fit! I couldn't believe it! I ran a lot this past week, and I've been trying to cut out a huge chunk of my sugar intake, and I guess it's working. I haven't lost any weight, but it's encouraging that my jeans finally fit again. Now to work my way back down to my size 6 jeans... We'll see about that.

I don't think I'm fat. I just think I need to get control of my weight. And I really do need to eat better and exercise. I have gone from a size 6 to 10 in jeans this past year, and unless I change something, my size will continue increasing. Another reason I want to get control of my weight is that I'm hoping it will also help me get control of my PCOS. Today is cycle day 80 for me. The average cycle is 28-35 days. (Sorry to any men reading this, but this is a trying to conceive journal of sorts.) I certainly broke my own record there. I have almost officially given up thinking that I may get pregnant on my own. I'm ready to start Clomid. Bring on the twins! I don't care. I just want to give my husband the children he's always dreamed of having. Me too.

On another bright note, I have found a board of wonderful Christian women that are all going through the same thing I am--trying so desperately to have a child unsuccessfully. It's been really good for me because we all encourage each other and pray for one another. Sure, we do complain some because this process is so frustrating. I mean, we are WOMEN. We are SUPPOSED to have babies. But our bodies aren't working as a woman's body should. But because we all are having the same problem and because we all serve the same wonderful Savior, we are able to help one another through all of this. I know it sounds kind of silly that I'm talking to people on the internet that I'll never meet (here on earth anyway) but it's nice for all of us to be able to share this with other Christian women. I do have friends I could talk to, and they will sympathize, but they aren't where I'm at. (I love them, though, and am very grateful for them because I know that they are praying for me and are supporting me. They know how much I want to have a baby, and they want the same for me almost as much as I. That means a lot to me.) And sometimes I have a hard time talking with my husband about this because it gets him sad, and while he really wants children, he doesn't want it to consume him like it does me at times. So, when I need to talk, I just go to the board and share my thoughts with those wonderful women. It's refreshing.

Well, I've put it off long enough. It's time to clean. I feel better now. :)

posted by Rashell at 3:26 PM