Boatload Chronicles

No one believed me when, as a young teenager, I told my friends that I would have problems conceiving, but I have always known. I have always been afraid that the one thing I want most will not be granted to me. I want to be a mother.

I am a wife. That dream has been fulfilled and is being fulfilled every day. I love being a wife as much as I knew I would. I delight in doing the laundry and keeping the house clean. I love spending time with Christopher, my husband and best friend, every day. I love it that I finally belong to him and him to me. It is true that "a woman's work is never done," so I can get very frustrated sometimes because of all the stuff I have to keep up with. But when those days come, I take a deep breath and thank God for blessing me with a man who loves me and has committed himself to me for the rest of his life. While I am grateful for all of that, I still want more. Is that sinful of me? Sure, I love my life now. I love having the freedom of being able to do what we want almost when we want because we don't have to worry about feedings or a babysitter, but I have an ache in my heart- a large fragment that longs to be a mother.

When I was a kid and grownups asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the first thing I thought of was , "I want to be a mom." But I never said that because I knew that that was not what they were looking for. I answered with, "I want to be a doctor." Or, "I want to be a singer." When I went to college, I chose to major in English because I loved to read and write. I had no career in mind whatsoever. I did not want to have a career. When my advisor asked me why I was going to college, I answered, "So that I can be an educated housewife." He ridiculed me to the rest of the English department that day. But I didn't care. I want to be a mom. I want that to be my full time job. I want to raise my children in the admonition of the Lord. I want to take care of them every day. I don't want to miss any of their growing-up moments. I don't have any children yet, but I all ready love them desperately.

For those of you who are reading this, I covet your prayers. Please don't just pray that God will bless Christopher and me with children soon, but also pray that He will give me peace and help me to trust in Him more and more every day. Thank you.

posted by Rashell at 9:05 PM